Some days I just want to scream. I feel it like pressure in my chest, at the back of my throat. It sits at the front of my head, scratching the inside, searching for a way out. Not just a shout, or a bad impression of Faye Wray in King Kong, but a raw, animal, uncontrolled gutteral scream. Incoherent, Uncontrollable. The problem is though, aside from the normal constraints of society kind of frowning on that sort of thing, emotion in public and all that. The thing is, I worry that if I start, I may be unable to stop. That I will just keep screaming until my throat bleeds and my vocal cords snap, and even then still be hoarsely trying, wheezing and cracking. And all the while, if the scream takes hold then I feel I'll be clawing at myself, ripping my hair out, scraping the skin from my cheeks, digging at my eyes like some fucked up tribute to that scene in Poltergeist when the guy starts picking at a spot on his face and ends up tearing his whole face off. All just trying to get the scream out from this place in my chest where it lurks. It's always there, just some days I feel it more than others. Some days are just so fucking hard.
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